


missing practice

by gaybutokay



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bullying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, Suicidal Thoughts, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic, song: sleep thru ur alarms (lontalius)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:49:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26630131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaybutokay/pseuds/gaybutokay
Summary: asahi hasn't been at practice for a while, and everyone is starting to get a little worried.READ TAGS BEFORE READING
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	missing practice

**Author's Note:**

> hi this has triggering content so please read tags first  
> this was a vent too so i am not trying to romanticize these things,,, just a little vent

‘asahithere: I really don’t know how to describe it’

‘yuurmom: describe what?’

‘asahithere: I don’t want people to think I’m mean anymore’

‘yuurmom: i don’t think you’re mean, i think youre nicer than even suga sometimes youre great asahi!’

‘asahithere: Thanks Noya. But everyone else thinks I’m a monster’

‘asahithere: I don’t know how to get them to stop saying it.’

‘asahithere: It makes me feel like it will only stop if I died’

’yuurmom: hey no !! you aren’t dying! i won’t let you!’

‘asahithere: Goodnight, Nishinoya. Get some sleep, you have practice tomorrow’

-

nishinoya couldn’t help but notice that asahi no longer showed up to their matches and practices as often. it was really odd for asahi to take a day off, as ever since he joined the team again and met their promising first years, asahi usually acted more happy and upbeat about the games, but that all came crashing down when asahi heard one sly comment in the halls.

“asahi azumane is probably the type to beat people up for drug money.”

asahi was tired of his reputation. everyone that saw him judged him based on his looks, and then decided that he was too evil or wrong to befriend. it hurt him more than most anything- it even hurt worse than losing. after all, losing a game is temporary, and all the players would eventually move on. asahi’s appearance was nothing that could be stopped. he would have to live his life as the scary, big man that looked wrong, though he was the opposite of that in every way.

nishinoya, along with the entire team, obviously heard the rumors of asahi’s evil intentions, but he trusted asahi deeply and didn’t want to make any assumptions about him. after all, they were closer than most expected, and had been talking like they were going to date for a while before asahi stopped showing up. it may have been a severe form of ghosting the libero, but noya didn’t expect something like that from asahi. after all, asahi was nowhere near to type to go as far as hurt someone in that way, right?

as noya walked into the gym for their next volleyball practice, he was hopeful to see asahi standing by sugawara and daichi, but that wasn’t the case. all that he saw upon entering was a classic karasuno team moment.

“c’mon, kageyama!! set it to us!!,” yelled tanaka, standing next to hinata. they both had matching excited expressions, which seemed to annoy kageyama.

“no. why can’t you two play with yourselves? i’m busy until practice officially starts,” snapped kageyama, book in hand. “i have a project due tomorrow morning… i’m taking all the time i can to study…”

“oh- c’mon!! pleeeeease, kageyama? i really need to practice so that i can get as good as asahi!!,” hinata replied, then turning his head to see nishinoya.

nishinoya usually wasn’t the type to make a quiet entrance, but there he was. dead silent with only a disappointed expression on his face.

hinata, alongside everyone else, knew that nishinoya knew most everything about asahi. since they were so close, hinata thought that… maybe noya would know! after all, asahi wouldn’t just abandon the team without a word, right? “uh, speaking of asahi, where is he?! he was supposed to practice with me, like, a week ago, and he won’t even text me back!”

all that nishinoya did in response was shrug as he slowly sat down, putting on his kneepads. he made extra sure to put the one kneepad that he stole from asahi on, as it was the only thing that he really had left of the ace. this was more stressful than he’d like to admit.

tanaka furrowed his brows, taking a step back. “what?!! you don’t even know where asahi went?! oh… i thought you were just… hid-“

as they spoke, daichi and sugawara came in with matching blank expressions. it was odd to see them look so drained, but nobody there wanted to bother them quite yet. that was asking for trouble.

daichi cleared his throat before speaking again, taking a long deep breath in before he started. “…asahi has missed 15 days of practice… which means, he is not going to be on the lineup for our next game.” 

noya shook his head. he knew that asahi wouldn’t just ghost the entire team! if he wasn’t even talking to daichi and suga, who was he talking to? 

as they all scrambled to get ready for practice, the door opened once more. tsukishima and yamaguchi walked through the door.

“asahi is on his way,” stated tsuki with a cold tone. though, his expression was painfully confident.

nobody thought to say anything to the pair as they walked in, mainly out of hope that tsukki was telling the truth. after all, he wouldn’t lie about something so serious, would he?

as they started warming up, the door opened once more, and asahi was standing in it. he looked like he hadn’t slept in days. he was wearing an old, dirty sweatshirt, and looked like he was too tired to comprehend any of what was happening. he didn’t even look like he knew why he was at practice, or what he was doing, but he was there at least.

“a-asahi!!,” nishinoya exclaimed while running over to the taller man. he hadn’t seen asahi in what felt like forever, and he didn’t care if the team looked at him weird for being overexcited.

“…hey..!” asahi faked a smile and a laugh, which was pretty conniving to everyone else. noya could tell it was fake, but it seemed like everyone else was just excited to see asahi in one piece.

“hey, daichi?,” nishinoya asked as he turned to face daichi.

“hm?”

“can i go practice with asahi outside for a moment? he looks like he needs some fresh air…” though asahi definitely did need some sort of fresh air, the real reason that noya was going to leave with him was because he needed to check on him. asahi was nothing like himself, and noya needed to make sure that this wasn’t some serious problem, and was rather just a little time that he needed alone.

“sure. don’t lose the ball, and if coach comes, tell him that you’re on your way back inside.”

nishinoya nodded, taking a step out of the door and motioning for asahi to follow.

though- it was in that moment that nishinoya realized asahi hadn’t said anything.

asahi stood in the doorway, still facing the team with a blank expression. he looked terrified, but also like he was angry at something. it wasn’t a look that the people on his team ever saw from him before- this blank and empty look as he seemed regretful of something.

nishinoya eventually yanked asahi outside, though it took a lot of effort, as asahi was way bigger than him. it ended in nishinoya falling on the ground as asahi fell beside him with the same blank expression. it was silent for a moment as they both caught their breaths, until noya saw what was hiding under asahi’s sleeve.

“…what happened to your arm..?”

asahi’s blank expression changed to a fear-ridden look of regret almost instantly. “…uh…” he couldn’t formulate words to explain what had happened, and that was obvious to nishinoya. he simply sat up, watching as asahi followed his movement.

nishinoya reached out and grabbed asahi’s arm, to which asahi didn’t counter at all. his arm was covered in marks, all horizontal, and all healing quite well.

“…did you do this to yourself?”

asahi simply nodded, speaking with a quiet voice. “…it took a toll on me… the words…”

nishinoya quickly covered asahi’s arm with his sleeve once more. he didn’t want anyone to come by and see it, especially because it could potentially worsen the rumors about him being violent. 

nishinoya peaked his head into the gym, calling over the attention of suga. 

“…hm? is asahi alright?,” suga asked with a nervous expression.

“yeah, i think he just… needs a walk. do you mind if we take today off? i’m gonna go check on him a bit more…”

suga, being one of asahi’s closest friends, recognized what this meant. this wasn’t the first time asahi had problems with self harm, and he knew how asahi got when it came. suga simply nodded, gesturing to the door again.

as the pair walked through their campus, noya decided to start the conversation. “…so… are you feeling any better now than you were… then?”

asahi nodded slowly, still speaking meekly. “yeah… just… the thoughts of, uh… not liking myself… got really bad… and…”

nishinoya shook his head, grabbing onto asahi’s shoulder while getting onto his tippy-toes. “asahi- you have no reason to hate yourself! are you losing your mind?”

nishinoya was never the best at helping people in times like this, but asahi liked the more bold effort than beating around the bush. this was better than being babied, as he really knew that what he was doing was wrong.

“i should have done something back when… you said that thing about d-dying, but i will not let you! there is nothing wrong with you- it’s those losers who have nothing better to do than make you sad that are in the wrong!!”

asahi stood there, astonished. though he did a lot of thinking, he never thought about it that way. “do you really think that i’m nice?”

noya nodded quickly. “of course i do! you’re the best person on this team- no, in this school! you even let me pick on you, like stealing your kneepad, and you let me have your clothes, and you let me spend time with you, and open up to you- asahi, you’re just amazing! you don’t have to change!”

asahi stood in silence before hugging nishinoya close, lightly lifting him off the ground. even if they weren’t official at this point, they made it obvious that they did like each other, and this was the perfect moment for asahi to tell noya how he really felt. 

“in those nights where i was really sad… i thought about you. i don’t want to disappoint anyone, but especially not you… i thought that you were mad at me, or that you would be mad… and i… i’m sorry…”

“don’t apologize. just… be yourself again, asahi… it’s hard to do it, but i want my boyf- best friend back…”

asahi took in a deep breath before setting nishinoya back down and smiling to him. “a-alright… i’ll try, just for you…”

nishinoya smiled back. a genuine smile- something that he hadn’t had on his lips in a while.

asahi smiled back.

it was scary to be so vulnerable, and especially to show a part of himself to noya that he wanted to keep hidden forever, but it was worth it. they felt closer now than ever, and it confirmed in both of their minds that they were indeed meant to be.

even if this wasn’t the time to ask, noya mentally started planning how to ask asahi to be his boyfriend later that day. that deeper confirmation of admiration was all that asahi would need, but it would never be something he asked for. it wasn’t in his nature.

-

‘asahithere: Sorry about earlier’

‘yuurmom: shhhhh its okay!! hey i wanted to ask you something though’

‘asahithere: Oh? Uh- okay!’

‘yuurmom: well you know how we like each other like like like?’

‘asahithere: Uh yeah I guess why?’

‘yuurmom: because we should be boyfriends’

‘asahithere: Oh- alright! I’ll be sure not to tell anyone because you’re still secret about it right?’

asahi didn’t have to worry. noya had already moved to the team group chat.

‘yuurmom to Chad Crows: tanaka owes me 20 bucks’

‘tanapka to Chad Crows: what Why’

‘yuurmom to Chad Crows: i did it’

‘tanapka to Chad Crows: OH MY GOD YOU ASKED OUT ASAHI?!?!!’

‘sugarsugar to Chad Crows: Guys can you please talk anywhere else it is 2 am and I want to sleep’

‘sugarsugar to Chad Crows: WAIT WHAT’

even though asahi wanted to be mad that noya told the team instantly, it made him happy at the same time.

at least noya wasn’t embarrassed by him.

the team didn’t fear him.

he was okay after all.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading  
> ily


End file.
